Laziness part II
Note: it was written long back and has nothing to do with my present state of mind. just for some of my good friends who care about me. just to tell them how i was feeling few weeks ago. enjoy
blurting...
i am fed up these days playing good boy all the time which is making me lose my individuality, i know i am not that good, but just to make the person in front of me happy, i pretend and pretend and try to do things which he like , things which will make him happy. even when i don't like that thing. for eg- while in raipur, i had south indians with me as my team mates and they were all too good. but couple of times, i had meals with them. they will invariably eat with their hands, feasting like some wild animal or some guy straight outta Somalia who haven't had food for weeks. and i really dont like the way south indians eat with their hands, but even then i could not just tell them on their face to stop doing that and later i will just come back to hotel and vomit quite regularly. i just cant bear it and cant help it ...but the good old self surfaces and never let me object to that. it happened twice before i decided to switch my work shift to night where i can work all alone and have my meals separately from them.
and i dont understand why rahul dravid didnt enforce follow on to england...what does he wanna prove there.
and last one month i am feeling too lonely- now desperately feeling need of someone beside me with whom i can share my things, my feelings, everything. i am feeling that more so because i thought that i have some really good frends with whom i can share, but it seemed like they are all too busy to listen and look upto me. i dropped subtle hints to them that i need them at this time to come out of all this mess going around me, but all those subtle hints were just lost in their own gambut of life. but as it seems, it wont help my cause much to rue about my luck over here. i need to take some steps desperately and one of the steps i have zeroed in on is to be what i am- dont pretend and just be yourself. at least in that way i would be able to come up to terms with myself- i am not that good, which i pretend to be.so dont be surprised if you are at receiving end of my true feelings towards you...my feelings when i felt bad when you behaved in rather unexpected manner with me. i am tired of pretending, and let me tell you, its not worth, coz for whom you would do this, they would never know anything about it and they will just move away with the time..so you will be left with nothing- no friend and none of your true self. so its nothing but a loss equation.
blurting...
i am fed up these days playing good boy all the time which is making me lose my individuality, i know i am not that good, but just to make the person in front of me happy, i pretend and pretend and try to do things which he like , things which will make him happy. even when i don't like that thing. for eg- while in raipur, i had south indians with me as my team mates and they were all too good. but couple of times, i had meals with them. they will invariably eat with their hands, feasting like some wild animal or some guy straight outta Somalia who haven't had food for weeks. and i really dont like the way south indians eat with their hands, but even then i could not just tell them on their face to stop doing that and later i will just come back to hotel and vomit quite regularly. i just cant bear it and cant help it ...but the good old self surfaces and never let me object to that. it happened twice before i decided to switch my work shift to night where i can work all alone and have my meals separately from them.
and i dont understand why rahul dravid didnt enforce follow on to england...what does he wanna prove there.
and last one month i am feeling too lonely- now desperately feeling need of someone beside me with whom i can share my things, my feelings, everything. i am feeling that more so because i thought that i have some really good frends with whom i can share, but it seemed like they are all too busy to listen and look upto me. i dropped subtle hints to them that i need them at this time to come out of all this mess going around me, but all those subtle hints were just lost in their own gambut of life. but as it seems, it wont help my cause much to rue about my luck over here. i need to take some steps desperately and one of the steps i have zeroed in on is to be what i am- dont pretend and just be yourself. at least in that way i would be able to come up to terms with myself- i am not that good, which i pretend to be.so dont be surprised if you are at receiving end of my true feelings towards you...my feelings when i felt bad when you behaved in rather unexpected manner with me. i am tired of pretending, and let me tell you, its not worth, coz for whom you would do this, they would never know anything about it and they will just move away with the time..so you will be left with nothing- no friend and none of your true self. so its nothing but a loss equation.
Hmm, waow, i didn't know you were feeling this down!! I wish i could help you, really... somehow i'm not the right person, due to situations! But i just wanted to add smthg to your comment: we all do sacrifices, for others, without them knowing it... Yes, it might seem like a waste of effort if it isn't recognized, but then again,... you know what you did. Is that not a sufficient prize? :)
ReplyDeleteCheers mate, I think i'll stop talking via these blogs interposed, and will catch you on MSN when possible! :)
i only can hope that ur mother gets a glimpse of this blog and marries u off
ReplyDeletecheers :))
@angel
ReplyDeleteit was sm weeks back, but its fine now...and yeah u r right abt sacrifices...but excess of everything is bad, and i seem to be doing the excess...thnx for being there..i can always count upon u...thnx, tk cr
@rohit
naah...no marriage, thus preparing for GMAT to run away frm marriage for at least 2more yrs... :)